Dissonance of life

Unmade beds. Sink half full of dirty dishes. Laundry piles. Scattered toys, charging cables, papers, books, ribbon, wrappers, and dogs. Shoes, socks, half empty bottles of water. Stacks of junk mail, Christmas cards from weeks ago, notebooks. Ironing board, fabric, more ribbon. Glasses and cups in abundance, dirty and used mind you, set out and left on coffee tables, end tables, nightstands, and counter tops. This is my house. It feels like my life.

I’ve always desired and wanted tidiness. Picked up rooms, with only what’s pretty and good and ‘well put together’. Compartmentalized organization. Everything where it belongs.

It’s never happened .

Metaphorically in my series of life experiences, it has never happened either. I’ve struggled with being okay with that truth. That ‘life is messy’…

I know it is. Even for people who do have tidy homes. Life is messy. It doesn’t go as planned. It’s not a bed of roses. It’s full of pain, suffering, disappointment. It goes up and down, the good the bad the ugly, and uglier.

It reminds me of dissonance.

 I’ve grown up on jazz, folk, classical, rock, pop, Christian, alternative, indy, you name it.

My hands down all time favorite music is the stuff in minor key, loaded with disaonant harmonies and chord progressions. To many, it doesn’t sound good. It’s uncomfortable to hear. Unpleasant. The notes don’t seem to fit or compliment each other, and the harmonies sound wrong. But these friends haven’t had their ear trained in dissonance. The harmonies aren’t perfect 3rds or 5ths, they clash and create tension and seem to almost fight for their place in the chord. 

Health issues, family relationships gone bad, absent fathers and husbands, sick mothers, financial troubles, children dealing with disabilities or learning disorders, buillies, misunderstanding, abuse, mistreatment, marginalization, hurt, loss, rejection, fear, heartbreaking circumstances, death. Our lives are peppered, some more heavily than others.

It’s all messy. Not everything has a place.

I can’t find a single photo where I feel put together as close to polished. I can’t post any flowery and perfect memes of how wonderful my life is. I don’t want to. I can tell you, straight up, that even though life sucks, Jesus knows are cares. He can and will and does use that suckiness to make new and amazing beauty. He takes those chords that seem like they don’t go together and he makes them fit, and more beautiful beyond any harmony heard. He takes and breaks things and stretches them far beyond what we think their intended purpose ever was, for His glory and for our own good.

I needed to remind myself, amidst the unmade bed, the laundry, and the dishes,

that I’m ok. My life is an eclectic mixed tape. An album of various genres and styles pieced together. It’s odd, it doesn’t match up, it doesn’t make much sense. But it’s real and it’s what the Master Mixer is compiling. ❤

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