In this current cultural landscape
and climate of accusations carrying so much weight, I’ve been pondering some practical applications of ‘accusations’ in my own life.
My first re-evaluation (give it a minute and read the whole thought):
“There are two sides to every story.”
The second thought that I’m re evaluating and that keeps me chewing and chewing:
“People’s perception is their reality.”
Ok. Now you’re ready to enter my thought process typed out and splayed before you. Proceed with an open mind and and open heart.
Earlier this month I had a conversation with someone I’ve been struggling to forgive for some things that happened awhile back. I care about this person and their family, and I’ve been praying about when to approach and confront, in the spirit of love and forgiveness. It was really the Holy Spirit compelling me to speak up, and let’s just say it was really difficult for me to obey but I did. I had to share my accusations of how I didn’t feel our family was loved well, and how I felt let down.
I was expecting a completely different response than I received. I walked away confused, a little disappointed, and questioning my perception of what had transpired. I was even beating myself up and thinking I had no right to feel hurt in the first place. My thoughts are both my strength and my weakness. I tend to overthink things and over analyze my own words to death.
Fast forward a couple weeks. Another instance came up where my husband and I were on the other side of the hurt, and the accusations came at us this time. I would have initially responded a little self protective, a little defensive, and may e even a little argumentative. But my first response was sadness. My first question was “How??” How has I let my friend down? How did I hurt? How could I have loved better? I’m not quite sure because this situation hasn’t really been resolved yet, but it’s been rolling around the corners of my mind, I’ve been chewing it like a cow chews it’s cud. Here’s why.
Pulling in my two thoughts from
earlier: every story has two sides, and perception is reality…I’ve now been put on both sides of this situation, in two very separate set of circumstances. I can see how the person I ‘accused’ may have felt even though I chose to respond differently. The reason I choose to respond differently is because I know exactly how the person who has ‘accused’ us feels. Hurt. My friend feels hurt. Whether I tried to hurt or love or not hurt and didn’t love enough… my friend feels hurt. And I don’t want that.
I wonder how much more healing would or could come if we were able to change our perception and perspectives more often.
I wonder if we could and would love each other better, with the sacrificial love of Christ.
I wonder how I can love my friend who I clearly hurt better.
I wonder how the hurt I feel can be healed in the situation where I feel let down.
I wonder if the person I accused can gain better understanding and how can it be better resolved.
I know the simple answer to all of these is Jesus. I just don’t know how He’ll do it.
But I know He can and will.
I’ve learned that when we STOP and put ourselves in someone else’s position, it can provide understanding and help us love them more. I want to love more.
Before I ‘accuse’ again, these thoughts are going to help me process. I hope they help you too.