Maybe the sting made me write this. The sting I know so well, the sting that so many others know as well…the rot in the pit of my stomach when the OCD rears it’s head. When the impulse control dominates the decisions. When the affect on our family is so profound it’s a sucker punch to the face AND the gut. It’s our particular brand of sorrow, yours maybe a different flavor.
Ever feel like the wind gets knocked out of you? You can’t breathe and your stomach literally hurts because it’s bruised INSIDE??
If you’re here and you’re reading this, chances are – you do. But guess what, there’s good news. It’s not all for naught, it’s not all for nothing.
See, we’re not faint hearted, not as weak as we’re perceived to be, not as ‘dangerous’ as some allow themselves to suppose.
Nope, we’re just trying to make it with a heavier load up a steeper hill.
Apparently heavy loads carried for long periods of time produce character…apparently this is the way God sees fit for me.
I was on the train one night coming home from work a few months back. I had a big bag full of promo items, my laptop satchel, my purse, and another bag of things I needed to take with me on a business trip. For some dumb reason, I also bought I could hold my phone and text my husband on the way.
I kept dropping things. I couldn’t keep my things together. I finally dropped all my stuff while I sat on the train waiting for me stop. It was too heavy, and I was too tired.
I saw a lady with 2 kids, toddlers mind you, and a baby. She had a diaper bag, another bag and was holding the baby. She didn’t drop the baby, or the bag and she didn’t lose her stuff, or her sanity or so it seemed. I thought to myself, geez, I can’t keep my things together and look at this amazing lady. Yeah, I was comparing. Guilty as charged. You do it too. We all do. Here’s what struck me though- the things she was holding she WANTED. She ACCEPTED. She CHERISHED. Even though she was clearly tired, even though she had a lot to juggle. She didn’t throw the baby down on the floor like I had thrown all my stuff. She wanted her load, and I did t want mine.
I thought about how so often, we don’t want the loads we bear, and subsequently we have a harder time holding and keeping our grip.
How much easier would our loads be to carry if we accepted them like Jesus accepted the cross, instead of fighting them.
Dumb analogy maybe… I’m kind of the queen of dumb analogies. It’s how I make sense of the world to better understand it.
What if we accepted our assignments of life with joy, with attitudes of okayness? What if we embraced our loads like this lady embraced hers? What if I had embraced my load? Yeah, sometimes we need to put stuff down and take a rest and a break, to refuel, recharge, reset. But that’s not what my point is, my point is what if we embraced the unwanted loads and burdens? ‘What a privilege to carry’ mentality. We forget that whatever we carry, we can carry it to God in prayer as well.
We all have different brands and varying weights to our loads. And while some are on flat ground carrying a shoebox, and some are carrying elephants up Mount EVEREST…maybe each is carrying the exact load that our MAKER deems right. In fact, that’s the whole point right there:
We each are designated our exact load that our Father in heaven sees fit for us.
When I go grocery shopping, I don’t ask my 12 yr old daughter to take the light stuff, but also, I don’t ask her to take anything breakable. I don’t ask my 8 yr old son to take super heavy things I know he isn’t strong enough to carry yet, like the bag of dog food that’s bigger than his whole body. I do hand him heavy bags that make him work or stretch his strength. Most often he says, it’s too heavy mom. But I also know I can count on him to carry the fragile stuff, the breakables. He’s more careful than my daughter. Each according to their individuals strengths and weaknesses.
Embrace the life you’ve been given. It’s for a reason, and His glory. We aren’t called to understand, we’re called to be obedient.